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MAYBE IT'S JUST ME BUT...

 

 

Every time I set out to do the simplest tasks, they end up being the hardest ones.  I mean EVERY time.

 

I won't even go into grave detail - I'm just going to outline for you what today was like for me.  You've heard of Murphy's Law, right?  What can go wrong, will.  Well, that little fucker Murphy paid me a visit about 14 years ago, liked it so much at my place that he unpacked his shit and moved in.

 

Keep that in mind when I show you how today went for me:

 

• Wake up, get ready for work and walk out the door an hour before I have to be to work (I live a mile from there, but I always like to be early).
• Get to my car and notice my passenger side tire is completely flat.
• $9 to my name, I borrowed my roommate’s truck to go get a tire plugging kit because I looked where I thought the spare tire would be on my car (under the mat in the very back of my small SUV).  No tire. 
• Get to the auto parts store and guess what?  The only thing related to a plug kit that I could afford were the plugs themselves.  No tools.  No big deal - I have the tools at home (or so I thought).
• Get home to find out that I don’t have the tool I need.  Why? Because I date assholes, that’s why.  My most recent ex made me throw away pretty much everything I own when I moved in.
• So, I tried to put plugs in my tire with a screwdriver.  Tip for the rest of you – that doesn’t fuckin work.
• In the process of sweating balls fighting with a screwdriver and the plug, I notice that I don’t just have 1 thing in my tire, I have 2 – an Allen wrench and a self-tapping screw. 
• Get both plugs in enough for my tire to hold air…maybe if I drive for a minute and get those plugs hot, they will adhere to (and inside) the tire better. 
• Realize I’m a fuckin idiot because that didn’t work
• Pull into empty parking lot halfway to work with tire completely flat again.
• My phone is at 1% - oh just kidding, it’s now dead.
• Plug phone into the same charger I’ve had in my car for 6 months without having a problem.  Guess what?  Fucking charger decided now would be a good time to break.
• Can’t call anyone because like the rest of the world, I now don’t know anyone’s number by heart.
• Can’t go buy a charger because 1, I spent all my money on the tire plugs and 2, even if I had a couple bucks, I couldn’t unlock any of my cards to use because, yup, you guessed it.  Phone is dead.
• Decide I’m going to look other places on the car just to make sure I really don’t have a spare tire.
• Turns out I did have a spare tire…it’s up underneath the car.
  • Side note – I’m not a complete bonehead when it comes to cars.  It’s just that every small SUV I’ve ever had, the spare tire was in the trunk under where the jack is stored.  Now, every truck I’ve had, the spare tire is up underneath the bed and the truck comes with a tool you stick between the tailgate and rear bumper to turn and release the tire.  Not in a million years would I have guessed that’s where mine was (thank you Lexus).

• Notice that I don’t have that little spot between my hatch and bumper to put a tool into so I can lower the tire.
• Climb underneath the car to see how this POS comes down.
• Can’t google how to do it because – once again, no phone.  Didn’t even think about asking people that had stopped – that part is my bad.
• Have 3 guys stop and offer to help me.  I show them where the spare was and not even one of them knew how to get it out.
• Spend and hour pissed off under the car, hitting the thing that holds the tire in with a sledgehammer hoping to loosen it.
• Guys 4 - 7 show up over the next 2 hours.  They try to figure this tire shit out too - not one could.
• Walk to a friend’s house to have him come help me.
• Realize he’s no help – BUT as he was trying to help by also beating the tire with a sledgehammer, I find what looks like this little socket type thing in the compartment where the jack is stored.  At that exact same time, my friend under the car is telling me but I'm not really listening until I hear, "My old car had this thing in the trunk that you’d turn, and it would drop the tire.”
• Light bulb in my head clicks on as I’m staring at what looks like a bolt inside the car right behind the bumper.
• Feel super smart when I realize that funny socket looking thing appears to be the same size.

• Put tiny socket thing on the head of that boltg and “lefty loosie” to see what happens.

• EFFORTLESSLY the spare tire slowly starts coming down on it’s own little personal dumbwaiter
• Hysterically laugh and cry at the same time in disbelief that this took up my entire day
• Put tire on and go home.

 

 

SOOOOOO….how was your day?? 😊